How to Birthday

Unexpected guests crashed my recent birthday party.

All of the guests were dressed in white and started to crowd around the back of the boat. Someone gasped.

The boat was already at capacity. I was told several times to not have more than one hundred people on board. I had exactly one hundred people on board.

Silence started to spread through the crowd as everyone jaw-droppingly watched what was happening.

The unexpected guests approached the boat. At first, only two approached from the back. Then another pair approached from the right. Then another pair from the left.

Dolphins were swimming everywhere around us.

The gasps and screams were of excitement. Many had only heard tales of dolphins swimming in the Lisbon river. The tales had now become the truth.

It was the perfect magic moment to mark the celebration of another year of my life gone by.

Earlier that day, as I rolled out of bed, I grabbed my journal and began to reflect on the past year gone by.

Initially, the list of what I did, did not do, where I went, where I did not go and such came out onto the page. As I kept writing though, what started to show up was how I changed.

Rather how the past year of life changed me.

Today, I feel more confident in life. It is evident with business and investing, with romantic relationships, with physical health and appearance, with Portuguese language and more.

For example, this past year has been a health journey for me as I unboxed my physical health with the aid of testing and treatments to uncover and resolve several issues. What a gift.

Today, I feel more conservative in life. I have become more aware of the risks and implications of the choices I make, paying more attention to the ‘other side’ of the coin.

For example, for my real estate business in Portugal, I was looking at buying a building a few months ago to launch a new co-living concept in Lisbon. Everything looked great initially and I was excited. In diligence though, yellow flags started to appear and my excitement faded. I pulled out of the deal. The reasons to not do the deal became clearer with time.

Today, I feel more selective in life. Practicing more discernment with how I spend my time, who I spend my time with and learning how to say ‘yes’ by saying ‘no’.

For example, when I first moved to Portugal a few years ago, I was a ‘yes’ person, which helped me quickly establish a local community of both expats and Portuguese. I now find myself saying ‘no’ more than ‘yes’ to new social invitations, as I feel more settled.

Today, I feel more relaxed in life. Learning how to go with the flow, comfortable with things not going the way I expect and not feeling agitated. I am learning to not take things personally when they truly are not.

For example, recently while at the beach for a stand-up paddleboard outing, I walked back to my car to see that it had not only been ticketed but clamped. My illegal parking job was particularly spectacular that day, so much so it attracted the attention of the authorities. I noticed my non-reaction at the site of my car ticketed, booted and wrapped in caution tape. I patiently waited for them to come take my money and set my car free once again.

Today, I feel more clear in life. Specifically understanding the conditions under which clarity arises for me. Generally by giving myself space, not trying to force an answer and to learn to wait.

For example, when deciding to host my birthday on a boat this year, I decided relatively last minute as I was waiting to see if my excitement would build. My analytical side knew when my birthday was of course, my emotional side took a bit longer though to get excited and only then did I send out the invitations.

Today, I feel more impatient in life. I notice I have difficulty sitting still. I have a hard time watching a two hour movie. I believe it is because there are so many people and activities that I find more interesting than to sit and watch.

For example, I have yet to see Barbie and Openheimer. I hope to soon, but also am not going to hold my breath as there is so much else that I hope to do soon as well.

Today, I feel more lazy in life. My life has become much easier in the past year. I have people around me to help manage and take care of the things in life that I find boring and uninteresting.

For example, a friend is currently staying with me at my apartment in Lisbon and had a last minute wardrobe malfunction before the birthday party. I could not figure out the express wash setting on my washer and ended up drying instead of washing the clothes that badly and urgently needed to be washed. It was embarrassingly obvious that I don’t use my own washing machine.

Today, I feel more FOMO in life. The list of places I want to visit is growing, not shrinking. The people I am curious to connect with. The businesses I want to start. The problems I want to solve in the world.

For example, this past summer I enjoyed vacation time in Greece, Italy, France and Spain. As I shared tales of my travels with local friends, I would hear about all of these other places to visit across Southern Europe that I now want to see.

Today, I feel more desire in life. Specifically to connect with the people that I love most.

For example, the morning of my birthday, I took a solo stroll by the beach and found tears rolling down my cheeks as I realized how much I missed my young nephew who’s growing up quickly and the rest of my family.

As I reflect on how life has changed me over the past year, I do so unconditionally.

To do so unconditionally means to not label any of these changes as ‘good’ or ‘bad’.

That is the most important part of life.

It matters less about how I change and more about how I feel about the change.

“Awareness releases reality to change you”, a quote from Anthony De Mello, one of my spiritual teachers that I have long followed and been guided by. My awareness of my own reality is how I continue to change.

Life continues to change me. I don’t need to control or direct the change. I can learn to allow it to happen.

And that is how I learned to Birthday.

Watch a highlight reel from my Birthday on a Boat on Instagram here.

Recent reflections:

Subscribe to my reflection podcast on Spotify.